pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
