I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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