I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
