you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
