there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
