Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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