If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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