just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
