i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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