using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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