Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
