Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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