i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
