Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
