And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
