do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
