i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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