have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
how drunk are you?
Several
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
