I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
