I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
