belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
