I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
