people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
