There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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