I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
