just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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