apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
