nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
