Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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