It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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