so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
