I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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