aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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