you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
