I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
