Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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