I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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