Plan B is the new Plan A
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
