STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
