Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
