I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
