I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
