while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
