All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
