and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
