so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize