I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
