Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
