I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Couch. On fire.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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