The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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