Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
