I think I died a long time ago.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
