I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
