Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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