If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
