if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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