What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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