remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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