remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
