woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Reggie can tackle my bush.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
