You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
