I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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