when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
