so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
