He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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