Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
